The final smile with a complete set of teeth just before the surgical extraction of two wisdom teeth. Months ago it was the boyfriend who was sitting on this same chair for the same procedure, and I was the one encouraging him ‘kaya mo yan!!’. I never thought I’d grow impacted wisdom not just tooth but teeth and be the one hearing his ‘kaya mo yan!’. Hahaha easier said! Funny I was more nervous with this than a medical surgical operation I had years back kaya parang ang OA but noooooooo!!! And it isn’t officially over as there are still two waiting to be removed! Anyways, I just thank God the aftermath is bearable and there wasn’t much bleeding as expected! Praise! I can’t seriously wait to eat normal again. It’s been one week since I ate a full meal. Konting tiis na lang! (at Medical Towers)
Sometimes, we find what we’re looking for at the comforts of our nostalgic moments.
As I lay myself to bed and lean my head to my pillows.
As I curl myself beneath the sheets wishing that I be swallowed.
As each duct tears and the heart fears.
As the used to be will be gone.
As the once was seemingly endless now foregone.
As the thoughts gush the rain pours.
As the memories flash the future is blur.
Promises and words to hold on to.
Faith and actions too.
Through saving grace, prayers and praise.
Our true love will bring us through.
Sometimes, we need to get through a tunnel to appreciate light, to appreciate brightness.
—What I would have said to him in this time that he feels so down. But then I realized it applies to me as well. And made me realize how unfair I was with my thoughts the past days compared to him; compared to other people who are going through harder times than him. And made me realize that I may not be wearing the fancy pair of sky-high heels that everyone adores, but definitely I’m in better shoes, regardless if it’s just a pair of plain black flats.
It’s Okay To Be Not-Okay
We need to accept the imperfect, embrace it, maybe even bask in it. Yeah, things are Okay at “once upon a time” and they will be Okay again at “happily ever after,” but that’s beside the point; the story is what happens between the Okay. As Nigerian magical-realist writer Ben Okri once noted, “The fact of storytelling hints at a fundamental human unease, hints at human imperfection. Where there is perfection, there is no story to tell.” You show me a story without a good central conflict and I will show you a blow-your-brains-out dull read (Waiting for Godot comes to mind). Life is not all, or even mostly, sunshine and lollipops and our most fervid attempts to render it such will only result in something bland and dull and artificial.
Too often, we view pain and suffering and mess like the early Victorians viewed pregnancy: an unpleasant yet necessary evil, meant to be slogged through but certainly not spoken of. Instead, consider this: what if this is the good stuff? What if these are the defining moments that, to borrow a phrase from Oscar Wilde, make or unmake character? What if we’re all just a hot mess at the end of the day, and some of us are just better at concealing it than others? What if it’s our very hot-messiness and confusion and weakness and ineptitude that makes us lovable?
At the end of the day, maybe joy is in the Not-Okay. Maybe it isn’t to be found in cookie-cutter lives in sterile rooms behind white picket fences, but in the squidgy details, at the blurred edges of our lives that make us squint. Maybe the only position in which we can encounter the divine is with our backs against the wall.
Maybe it is only when we are blinded by tears that we can really see clearly at all.”
This is more than just the planning. I’m marking this day that plans have finally been executed! I thank the Potter above for the drive I’ve had today. It wasn’t easy as I woke up not feeling well and I even have to go to the hospital first for check-up; second for the unnecessary medcert for a day of sick leave. Moving on, I am so excited for the coming days. Most especially next week. I believe of great things that’ll be happening next week! I confess! And I shall possess! I claim these things all in Jesus name. See, this is how excited I am. I’m more of believing than hoping. :)
You reach your tipping point, and then suddenly you’re sure to get out of the mess…
Growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.
The thin line between hope and faith. The reason why they’re not synonymous. Just believe.
Tonight I cried. But I know I’m better at this ‘cos I didn’t dwell. But I realized, I’ll be better. And then I realized, I’m better.
Today was pretty much a pamper-myself-day. Had my hair cut shorter. Had my finger and toe nails cleaned and polished.
The sad reality is vacation is over and I’ll be back to work tomorrow.
We’ll go backpacking to Caramoan laturrr! I pray for safety! Lol.